by Linda Wanjiru
Have you ever had a feeling of being upset that is often accompanied by the prevention of progress due to the prolonged achievement of success? We often try so hard to wipe it off our minds, forgetting that what does not kill you makes you stronger.
From childhood, I had this sense of feeling that I would become someone great, a very important person in the community, as is for most children. I made it my effort to be the best I could, and by the time I was seventeen years old, the world was already smiling on me. Little did I know that my parents had discussed that I should go back to high school, because they had no college fees at the moment. As a young person, I had no problem with the transition, so I thought, why not? Besides, they want the best for me. I lost one year of connection with my age mates, and by the time I was coming out to the outside world, I was eighteen, and struggled hard to fit into my friends’ schedules and their habits. I was comfortable spending time alone in the house, but my mother pushed me to hang out with them. We no longer shared the same goals, and honestly, I was losing myself in the process. This was the beginning of a long downfall that can never be recovered from, depression that comes and goes, and people looking at you as if you are insane.
I ended up pleasing boys, by not even using protection, I grew away from my creator, stopped being religious, became rebellious and now I have children outside wedlock, single, unemployed, promiscuous and desperate enough to beg money from my friends that I adored to get drunk and forget my troubles for a while. Most of my friends ridicule me for how I wasted my time, my mother and father want to kick me out of the house so bad, because I bring nothing to the table apart from more mouths to feed. My relatives do not take my calls, and when I ask for their help, they tell me to ask my parents. My sisters disrespect me, and my neighbors laugh at me when I cry to my parents to open the gate for me whenever I am late. The interviews I get never communicate back, or mostly hit me with, unfortunately, you were not an ideal candidate for this position.
This, dear reader, is what we call frustration. I desperately want to release the inner feeling that has been suppressing me, and has left me living in constant fear of what tomorrow holds. I am sorry that this is not an ordinary positive article. All I want is to encourage a young person on this side of the Indian Ocean that you are not alone. People are mostly afraid of being honest about the pain of not getting what they want, whenever they want it, or admitting the regrets and the advice they never took. Guess what? Life is full of surprises. Embrace whatever comes your way and learn to be calm in an overwhelming situation, because what is life if it has no ups and downs?
